A friend of mine has me really thinking about words… he is actually in my head now as I respond to questions and situations in my life. It started when explaining a recent medical procedure – explaining when the results would be in. In my head, I knew I was expecting nothing but great results would be in, my words didn’t say that though. His immediate response was to gently correct me… “you mean you will get ‘positive’ results…” And really, that one word changed the whole tone and outlook of the message. I started over and corrected my words. Later, someone else asked when I would know my results, my knee-jerk response was my standard “I will get the results…”, I looked before hitting send, heard my friend’s gentle correction, and went back and changed my response.

Why?

Because words really, really do matter. Think about it. As a child we were taught that super catchy “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” to try and prove that someone else’s words were not actually impacting us. But I am pretty sure we all knew that to be a lie. Sticks and stones may have hurt for a moment, but the pain of words stuck. There are adults today still reeling from painful, hurtful words spoken over their lives decades ago.

Words have incredible power. Words can be life giving, life changing or they can be soul crushing. Words can give hope when there is despair or they can cause despair when someone desperately needs hope. The words we speak into our own situation can dramatically change the way that we focus on a task, opportunity or trial. What we say, we will believe. Even in my case, though mentally I was expecting nothing but good results, changing the words I used brought more reality – more hope – and actual joy into the situation than when my words didn’t speak it.

So what to do about words?

1) Use caution with the words that you speak!

This applies to both the words you speak into your own life as well as the words that you speak into the words of others. On a daily basis I am asked many times “how are you?” I have heard people answer this so many ways. “Blah”, “Good, you know; whatever”, “Fine”, “Can’t complain”. I respond with “Fabulous” (or some of my word-combo variations like fantabulous), or “Blessed”, or “Absolutely amazing”. Why? Because if I say that over and over in a day; I can’t help but be that. And I can see the lift / change in others as I say those words.

Words like a name have the power to change someone from invisible to alive. I actually first really realized this when some friends came to New York City on a delayed honeymoon. We had dinner at one of those greasy spoon diners (not the fancy kind, the plates stick to the table kind). Our waiter came to take our order and my friend started with “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name” – I’m pretty sure he hadn’t told us. He looked surprised and told us his name. My friend then used his name every time he came back. It was like it was magic word. Each time he came back, he was visibly happier — I think he even got taller. He was literally coming to life with his own name being spoken into his life.

 Matthew 15:18 “But the things that come out of a person’ mouth come from the heart, and these defile them”.

 Proverbs 12:18 “The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing”.

 Colossians 4:6 “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone”.

And a special note here – parents, think about the words you speak into and over your children’s lives. Do they know they are loved 100% no matter what? Do they know they don’t have to be / achieve / win to be accepted? That they are God’s child and are worth nothing less than His amazing best. Be careful with humor, they won’t necessarily know you are kidding. Arm your children with power, love, grace, mercy and most importantly with their high value so that the words of the world won’t rob them of life as they grow.

There is a scene in Pretty Woman where Richard Gear’s character is having the first real “emotional” conversation with Julia Roberts’ character. He tells her he thinks she has tremendous potential. She responds though, “the bad stuff is just easier to believe…” Give others words to live up to and not words to crash down on. Be cautious also with words you speak about others lives. Gossip is only harmful. Discussing with a group the “help that someone else needs” only serves to build walls and divisions. Words about others can destroy friendships, groups and even entire ministries.

 Ephesians 4:29 “Do no let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen’.

 Proverbs 17:9 “Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.”

2) Make certain your life – your actions – speak the same message as your words.

As powerful as your words are, if you are not living the message you are speaking, eventually no one will believe your words. I can say you are a good friend of mine over and over again – but if I make no effort or time for you, you probably won’t consider me a good friend. You can tell your child you love them just as they are, but if you constantly try and change something about their appearance or if you show up only to celebrate big achievements and not in the every day – eventually the message they will actually hear is “I would love you more IF…” And that if is a game changer. That if means love is something that has to be earned – and if we fail – something that can seem unattainable.

Live the words you speak.

Speak life, but really mean it.

Speak love and live out love – even when it is not easy. Be careful not to put conditions on your love! What we do speaks loud and can prevent others from hearing what we say.

 Matthew 7:21 “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord’, will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.”

 Matthew 5:16 “In the same way, let your light shine before others that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”

3) Use caution and discernment with who you allow to speak words into your life.

We can’t always control the people we have to listen to; your boss, your parents, teachers, or coaches. These are people who are and will be forces in our world. We can’t control having to hear them, but we can control what we choose to let their words speak into our lives. The best way is by really mastering point 4… so keep reading if you find yourself surrounded by people you can’t just walk away from whose words threaten to steal your life and promise.

I am not suggesting that we cut off everyone in our life who has not mastered using their words for good. But look carefully at your inner circle and make sure the people you really allow in are speaking words into your life and not against your life. Not that they never correct us or challenge us to grow (it was correction that got me onto this topic after all) – but those we let impact our lives should be able to correct and challenge us, provide accountability and advice to us, and they should be able to do all those things with building, breathing, positive life giving affirmation and not deflating our spirit and faith. Instead of encouraging me to use better words, my friend could have said “that sounds negative, guess you are expecting bad news”. And I can tell you, not only would that not have challenged me and helped me grow, it probably would have made me think bad news when that is not where I actually was.

Make sure those you are really allowing to speak into your life share your faith and convictions. Having them around helps when those who don’t try and talk you out of your faith and convictions with their words. Today’s society doesn’t understand – for example – someone who is putting purity first in a relationship and committing not to have sex outside of marriage. Even friends will mock that decision and try to convince you of all the reasons why you shouldn’t’ go that path. Having friends you can then turn to for help and affirmation can help you stay true to the person you have already decided you should be. Pray regularly for the friends you allow to speak into your life. Pray for discernment on the words being spoken into your life. God can use the words of people around you, but satan can too.

 1 Corinthians 15:33 “Do not be misled: bad company corrupts good character”.

 Proverbs 13:20 “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.”

 Most importantly!!

4) Know what God’s word says about you.

God’s words are the only words that really matter and any words that don’t match God’s are lies. There is no better defense to the words of the world than to have God’s word written on your heart. Satan came to steal, kill and destroy… and he uses words in the world as a powerful weapon. He is the father of all lies – words that don’t align with God’s. Satan started with Eve by just twisting the words of God enough that it still sounded kind of right but was the open door to sin. Sin that has plagued us ever since. Jesus stood strong on the word of God when satan tried to tempt him – three times saying “it is written”. We must write God’s word for us on our heart so we can defend ourselves when satan comes attacking.

When the world says…

• Look at the life you have led, you are ruined forever

2 Corinthians 5:17 “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”

• You don’t have enough, look good enough, aren’t talented enough… to be worth anything.

1 Peter 2:9 “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His wonderful light.”

• You haven’t done enough to deserve the grace Christ paid such a high price for – you have not earned it.

John 1:12 “Yet to all who did receive Him, to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God.”

• You are unlovable.

Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners Christ died for us.”

• You cannot do what God calls you to.

Philippians 4:13 “I can do all this through Him who gives me strength.”

• You have nothing to contribute.

1 Peter 4:10 “As each has received a gift, use ti to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace”

• You are too week or insignificant, no one will listen to you

2 Timothy 1:7 “For the spirit of God gives us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.”

• You are hopeless.

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

 The thief comes to steal, kill and destroy – but Christ came to give us abundant life. Know the voice of God. Know God’s word. Let only those words impact your soul – make sure your words are speaking only God’s life and light into the lives around you, and into your own life.

Words matter!

Use them with care.